17 Years

I've never been a big anniversary person. I remember (with the help of facebook) birthdays and wedding anniversaries, but that's about it. Also because of facebook, I've seen many of my friends remember their parents, siblings or other loved ones on days that they died, or were born. Honestly, I've never really understood why you'd dig up old pain.

This year on Marvin's birthday, I thought about him and where he'd be today. I thought it would be a good thing, to reflect about him on the day he was born rather than the day he died. But for some reason, it was way sadder than I anticipated. It was too "what if"-ish I guess. I felt frustration rather than acceptance or peace.

August 25 is the day Marvin died, and for the past few days I've been thinking about that and how maybe I should start remembering this day every year. I have never done anything or thought any differently on the anniversary of his death prior years. Perhaps it's the never-stopping movement of time that steers one to use a particular day as a day of remembrance. It seems that setting aside a day is a way to keep the memories strong and consistent rather than succumbing to memory-eroding time.

August 25, 1994. It's been 17 years! That's a long time. I am so different now than we were then. But everything about how Marvin impacted my life remains the same, a constant and forever. It seems extremely silly, on one hand, to remember such a sad and tragic day. But I also think it makes sense to reflect on the day that his life ended, and mine went on. So, conflicting though it may be to me, I remember the 25th, as the day Marvin died, which also was the beginning of future years remembering how wonderful life was with him.